Dolphin’s OL Coach Loves Cocaine And Strippers

Dolphin’s OL Coach Loves Cocaine And Strippers

The Dolphins are 2-2, it’s hard to say if that’s due to talent and hard work, or mere luck. Jay Cutler is hardly helping the situation, and now the OL coach, Chris Foerster, has resigned due to a video of him surfacing on social media. 

The video depicts Foerster snorting a white powdery substance, presumably cocaine. Snorting smarties, like in the good ol’ days, just wasn’t enough for Foerster any longer. The man has built a career around football, he’s made it to the big leagues, and he’s thinking he’s on top of the world. I mean a little party never killed nobody; except Amy Winehouse, Elvis Presley, Jimi Hendrix, and plenty more, so maybe it killed a few people.

 But how can these hard working people not party? After all, the Bestie Boys did fight for our right to party. So what’s the big deal if Chris Foerster likes a little nose candy, and I don’t mean smarties, those are for middle schoolers. I’m fairly certain cocaine and strippers are the backbone this country has been built on since Kennedy. 

Side note: Oswald was the pimp of one of Kennedy’s mistresses. Kennedy never paid. 

It’s almost comical that in the post that leaked the video, it claimed Foerster was professing his love for blow and strippers, and on top of that the model who leaked it used the video as a platform for her own agenda. 

It really just goes to show you that people never learn. Once you are in the spotlight everything becomes public. These people know that, and yet here we are, once again. Though we must be greatful, for without some of this bafoonery we would not be able to laugh at others experience, nor would us peasants know the hardships of wealth and fame, how awful. 

Plot twist: Dolphins OL becomes amazing, and they make it to the Super Bowl. If it happens it becomes an American classic, right next to Mark Wahlberg’s Invincible. 

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